by Bob Carson

Editor’s Note: The USTA website is pleased to present freelance writer Bob Carson and his popular “Outside the Box” features. This monthly series is a menu of outlandish proposals presented with a wink — but the purpose behind them is serious. The views contained in this column are that of the author alone, and do not necessarily represent the opinions or views of the United States Trotting Association.

“The Wampanoag Tribe has a machine, and they say, “It’s completely idiot proof.” I told them they’ve got it all wrong. I want a machine that is “idiot friendly.” — Former Massachusetts Governor William F. Weld

If you ain’t just a little scared when you enter a casino, you are either very rich or you haven’t studied the games enough.” — VP Pappy

Bob Carson

We have a love/hate relationship with casinos. We love the money. We hate that people prefer the whirling wheels and beeping boxes to our beloved horses.

Don’t you sometimes feel like grabbing the hand of these comatose slot players and dragging them to the apron of the racetrack to see the light? It’s time for a little venting that most would not do in polite company. It may not be successful but it will be therapeutic. Maybe you will consider Paying It Forward (perhaps anonymously) to a casino junkie.

Who knows, maybe some of them will wise up.

—–Original Message—– From: minortrips@aol.com To: bbrnr@aol.com Sent: Sat, Apr 3, 2010 11:40 pm Subject: Dialogue

Autumn Ryan graphic

Joe,

I’m going to do a piece for a harness racing website this month about why people that play slot machines are illogical and misguided. I want to have an on-line dialogue with somebody outside the racing game and post it. I figure everybody gets a cheap thrill out of reading other people’s mail. How about taking the side, the dark side, of people who prefer casinos to racetracks?

—–Original Message—– From: Joe Conroy <bbrnr@aol.com> Reply To: Bob Carson <MINORTRIPS@aol.com> Sent: Sat, Apr 3, 2010 11:42 pm Subject: Dialogue

I suppose. Are you ever going to get a real job?

—–Original Message—– From: minortrips@aol.com To: bbrnr@aol.com Sent: Sat, Apr 3, 2010 11:44 pm Subject: Dialogue

No.., anyway this isn’t a job — harness racing is my hobby.

—–Original Message—– From: Joe Conroy <bbrnr@aol.com> Reply To: Bob Carson <MINORTRIPS@aol.com> Sent: Sat, Apr 3, 2010 11:46 pm Subject: Dialogue

Strange hobby.

—–Original Message—– From: minortrips@aol.com To: bbrnr@aol.com Sent: Sat, Apr 3, 2010 11:48 pm Subject: Dialogue

Says the man who hosts a Doo Wop radio show and shuttles to Europe to promote young Spanish Doo Wop groups including one named “The Fabulous Flops.*

—–Original Message—– From: Joe Conroy <bbrnr@aol.com> Reply To: Bob Carson <MINORTRIPS@aol.com> Sent: Sat, Apr 3, 2010 11:49 pm Subject: Dialogue

Touché.

However, you are already wrong; the Fabulous Flops are not Spanish. They are German. The Earth Angels are Spanish. Anyway, I don’t officially promote the English, German, or Spanish doo wop groups. I just try to help them find a niche in the US.

—–Original Message—– From: minortrips@aol.com To: bbrnr@aol.com

I stand corrected. Good luck on that.

Now, let me correct you.

You and Vickie make trips to play the slot machines. You don’t gamble on horse racing. This is ludicrous. Those of us who handicap horse races can’t see why in the hell intelligent people waste time sitting at slot machines. This really ticks us off. Lottery tickets are the only dumber form of wagering than slot machines.

Conversely, betting on horse racing is fun and occasionally beatable. To us, slot machines and lottery tickets give you zero chance of winning and are as exciting as a ball of lint in a dark closet.

—–Original Message—– From: Joe Conroy <bbrnr@aol.com> Reply To: Bob Carson <MINORTRIPS@aol.com>

Whoa!!!, talk about easing into a discussion…. (LOL)

The slots that I normally play are video poker, where you do have choices to make, based on odds of getting a winning hand. Certainly there is luck involved with what cards will be dealt, but overall I have done well playing that. Both Vicki and I won a number of times and you can win a grand on a $1.25 bet. Now, obviously there are many times we have lost money, but sometimes I can go for an hour on $20 before I lose it, and I am playing probably six hands per minute. My mother is an avid slots player. She takes bus trips to the casinos a couple times a month. Amazingly, she wins most of the time. I don’t know how she does it, but she loves it.

—–Original Message—– From: minortrips@aol.com To: bbrnr@aol.com

No offense Doo Wop Dude — but that is BS — no human being, not even smart guys like Plato or Leo Divinci or Thomas Jefferson ever came out ahead after getting sucked into the black hole of slot machines. (Oh, let me correct that, in 2006, a man named Elmer Plotkin won $2,000 at a “Price is Right” slot machine at the Riviera Casino on his first and only trip to Las Vegas. He was so excited he dropped dead of a heart attack before the bells stopped ringing and the lights stopped flashing. He is the last documented human to beat the slot machines.)

—–Original Message—– From: Joe Conroy <bbrnr@aol.com> Reply To: Bob Carson <MINORTRIPS@aol.com>

Ha Ha, harness-man. I think the biggest challenge facing you to get people to bet on races, is that the racing form is way too complicated for most people to understand. Reading the racing form requires far more work than people are willing to undertake to learn it. My guess is that people won’t bet on horses if they don’t understand the details. If they are going to bet based on names or colors, or whatever, they might as well be putting their money into slots.

—–Original Message—– From: minortrips@aol.com To: bbrnr@aol.com

Joe, Joe, Joe, that paragraph is the heart of the matter (and the bane of my so-called life). Even when people do understand the program — to carefully and thoroughly handicap a race, just a single race, takes a lot work, maybe more than ever these days — because today a serious handicapper uses other sources like the computer and videos to try to solve the riddle of a horse race. We make the effort. We do the task. We take responsibility. Why? Because of the reward, not the money reward, the intellectual reward.

Slot machines, like TV, are passive. I have watched people sit and stare mindlessly at those wheels hour after hour. Granted, your video poker machines give the illusion of “decision making” and are a slight upgrade — but analysis on the construction of these machines is available and like all slot machines, they are impossible to beat in the long run.

The complexity and effort required to handicap horses does not play well in today’s world. Tonight you find very few people reading, studying and discussing War and Peace, you find millions watching Survivor while gobbling Cheez-Doodles. Which is worthwhile entertainment?

—–Original Message—– From: Joe Conroy <bbrnr@aol.com> Reply To: Bob Carson <MINORTRIPS@aol.com>

Wow… Quite the elitist diatribe, have you read War and Peace? LOL

—–Original Message—– From: minortrips@aol.com To: bbrnr@aol.com

The complete… first two pages.

—–Original Message—– From: Joe Conroy <bbrnr@aol.com> Reply To: Bob Carson <MINORTRIPS@aol.com>

Ha, Bob, my point is taken — most people will not make the effort. I think the challenge you face is why should we make the effort?

How are you going to lure them into what is almost work? Maybe getting them to the track to experience the race scene is more important than getting them there to gamble. If they go there for an outing, a lunch, or whatever, they can maybe have a good time without having to make an effort, which may lead them into trying to handicap the horses. Maybe the race tracks could do bus trips like the casinos do.

—–Original Message—– From: minortrips@aol.com To: bbrnr@aol.com

We try that kind of stuff…first of all there is no revenue watching horses, anyway, it just doesn’t seem to stick.

—–Original Message—– From: Joe Conroy <bbrnr@aol.com> Reply To: Bob Carson <MINORTRIPS@aol.com>

There are a lot of ways to gamble. Most are easier and faster.

Unfortunately, your comments about mindless reality shows are on the money. I do not watch any of these programs and find it hard to understand how anyone does. It is the same baffling reason that the more stupid a movie is, the more money it pulls in. People can be lazy and manipulated.

Here’s a question. Is there a website devoted to teaching people how to read a racing program? I know the booklets themselves have some tips on how to do that, but once a newcomer is at the racetrack, they don’t have the time to learn how to start reading it. Maybe there should be a racing program “light” which gives the average guy an easier way of sorting through the relevant info, without knowing all the intricate details that the serious handicapper wants to know.

—–Original Message—– From: minortrips@aol.com To: bbrnr@aol.com

Not that I know of (on the internet), but it is a great idea — if for some strange reason a person stumbles across horse racing on their I-phone and decides to take up horse racing (new folks for us are as rare as Taliban surfers), there should be a site that walks them through.

Racetracks occasionally offer seminars for new people on how to read the program and these are good….but most people would probably feel more comfortable in the privacy of their home. Ideally it would be good for a person like you to watch and listen, live on line via something like Skype, as an experienced handicapper carefully goes though his work/play/hobby.

Which leads me to another issue, one where I think horse racing has an upper hand — it is no longer physically necessary to attend the racetrack.

Quite honestly, and I never thought I would say this; it is much easier to wager on the horses from home. You can see better, wager easier, have more options and don’t need to travel.

It’s a two edged sword. It is fun to see the horses and smell the manure and hear the crowd and kibitz and watch the people — but it’s a hassle.

My thinking is that racing should always have a few “live days” where people could have the tactile experience but a good video presentation and wagering platform are the real future.

Since you are a major teckie — would you be more likely to give horse racing a shot on the computer or at the track?

—–Original Message—– From: Joe Conroy <bbrnr@aol.com> Reply To: Bob Carson <MINORTRIPS@aol.com>

Probably online…but, it will still be a hard sell to make me want to take the time to learn all the jargon and codes. I know how to play poker, so the video poker machines make sense to me.

—–Original Message—– From: minortrips@aol.com To: bbrnr@aol.com

Ah Joe…..If we could get a small fraction of casino players (like you) to switch, the world would be right.

—–Original Message—– From: Joe Conroy <bbrnr@aol.com> Reply To: Bob Carson <MINORTRIPS@aol.com>

Bob, people like different things. Take your novel; as much as I hate to admit it…I thought it was very funny. Other people will read it and think…not that funny. Who’s right?

—–Original Message—– From: minortrips@aol.com To: bbrnr@aol.com

Obviously you are right about the novel and wrong about casino gambling (LOL).

I have a theory that people play the slot machines and lottery because they are thin-skinned. With a machine or a lottery ticket you may not win — but the player does not have to admit they were wrong. They do not have to take ownership of the fact that they did not select the correct horse. People hate to admit they are wrong (fortunately I have admitted this so often it has little effect) — but normal people would rather not blame themselves. Do you see any credence in this theory?

—–Original Message—– From: Joe Conroy <bbrnr@aol.com> Reply To: Bob Carson <MINORTRIPS@aol.com>

That’s hard for me to answer, since I am never wrong. LOL….Yeah, I see where you are heading with your thought, and may be right for some people, but I think most would blame the horse or the driver if they don’t win.

—–Original Message—– From: minortrips@aol.com To: bbrnr@aol.com

What really frosts us is when they have these racinos, a race track connected to a casino. People walk in, turn right, they see horse racing; turn left, they go to the casino…..everybody turns left.. like lemmings, they willingly go where they cannot win and where they will spend the next few hours in a catatonic stupor. To us, it’s like watching people choose a frozen taco over surf and turf.

—–Original Message—– From: Joe Conroy <bbrnr@aol.com> Reply To: Bob Carson <MINORTRIPS@aol.com>

It may seem strange to you and your horse race people but some people want to veg out in front of a machine. And in Vegas, I have a pretty woman bring me free drinks while I sit at the video poker machine. I am not straining my brain to analyze statistics in small print, most of which I cannot remember what they mean. And, there is the lure of the big payday with the flashing lights and bells ringing!

Racing???? If through blind luck I pick the right horse, what will I win on $2? My wife gives me a hard time because I would choose a burger over lobster, since it is too much work to get to the lobster meat. Winning money should be fun, not work.

—–Original Message—– From: Joe Conroy <bbrnr@aol.com> Reply To: Bob Carson <MINORTRIPS@aol.com>

But horse racing is fun.

Ah Joe, it’s getting late. I sense that I am losing this debate (despite having logic on my side). I tried to be reasonable. I kept in mind there are always two sides to every argument — mine and the idiot on the other side that is wrong.

This is not over. Harness racing will ride again. And I will find a way to get you in the audience. Tell you what, let’s make a deal. I go to a European Doo Wop concert, you come to the harness track with me — we can each plead further.

—–Original Message—– From: Joe Conroy <bbrnr@aol.com> Reply To: Bob Carson <MINORTRIPS@aol.com>

We should both probably plead insanity.

Deal…Cheers…